Friday, April 30, 2010

Forgive me Father, I have sinned....

Yes, I have. I acted ridiculous at my son's little league game. I tried not to - I made it until the last few moments but I had to, I swear it Father. Please forgive me.....

Last night Shaw, poor sweet little Shaw, had his first little league game of the year. Unfortunately, we played the Little League team from Quanah, Texas. (After I type this, I may start to work on my tirade filled letter to the editor to be mailed to the Quanah, Texas newspaper, if they have one? who knows? anyhoo.... I digress.) This is the first year that these 4th graders have had to pitch so it's all a little new to them. I thought they played a really good game. They went back and forth with Quanah for the lead but they rallied and at one point were winning 10-5. Well we had some trouble with our pitching because of course 4th graders get tired after pitching 60 some odd pitches and we had run through all the kids who had practiced pitching and we were pulling from the ranks. Let me just say that these kids tried. They did and isn't that what we want? The Quanah adults sitting in the stand, berated and belittled and basically acted like fools through out the WHOLE game. I was shocked. Through out all of the years that Scout played, I just thought we saw some "enthusiastic" parents. Nah...., nah..... how these fools acted was shameful. They cheered and I mean cheered, celebrated, and acted out and out crazy over every little thing.... if our pitcher walked one of their kids - look out.... it was scandalous..... now don't get me wrong - I am prone to complain, fuss and possibly cuss under my breath about bad calls or whatever but not like this.

I made it until the last inning, the last play of the game when it happened, this enormous, rotund, fatty boom-ba-latty stood up and said - YEAH - WE GOT MORE HEART THAN YOU!!!!! What? What? Are you kidding me? They're little boys, kids, youngsters. LITTLE LEAGUE!!!!!! Obviously this woman is living vicariously through her child but come on. When was the last time she played catch with him? When was the last time she ran the bases? The only thing that she's running is her mouth.

So you know what I did..... I did it..... (I'm sorry Kyle Vannoy - he did look at me a little crazy when I began my tirade and really if he hadn't of been sitting there, I might have yelled some obscenities but in the back of my mind I thought hmmm..... probably better reign it in a little.....Kyle Vannoy - the voice of reason and restraint.) I yelled SHUUUUUUUTTTTTT UUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!!! SSSSSHHHHUUUUTTTT UUUUUPPPPP, I even had spit coming out of my mouth.... it was hideous..... but that lard butt pushed me over the edge..... how dare she tell our kids that they don't have any heart? Does she even know our kids? Does she know what's going on in their lives? NNNNNNOOOOOOO - like my poor child - do you think it's easy to be sandwiched in between Scout and Sager? NNNNOOOOOOO, I myself had to jump his case this very same day after the bus driver said that he wouldn't wear his seat belt - so I did what every other mother would have done and waited for the bus to pull up and I immediately walked on the bus and embarrassed him and made him apologize to the bus driver.... no heart? How about having to put up with a lunatic mother like me? That boy's got a bigger heart than that woman's butt and that's big!!!!

So there you go - I've confessed my sins, (I even told my principal) so now all I have to do is a little penance and I'll be good - maybe 25 Hail Mary's and a couple of Our Fathers ought to do it..... and maybe buy Shaw a little prize....maybe.....

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I know, I know - long time no blog.....

On the way to school today - I totally thought of a funny idea for a post but now I just can't remember - that's what TAKS will do for you!! Sucks not only your energy but your brains as well! I guess I'll just catch everyone up on what's been happening.... Sager went on a field trip to Caprock Canyons while some of the older students were taking TAKS test at his school. He had a pretty good time
although he did tell his teacher he was going blind and he had to sit and drink a bunch of water while he cooled down.... (sounds like fun, doesn't it!) then they went to the lake and looked for shells and then they
had lunch and he was totally distraught that he had to throw away his leftovers which he had planned on bringing home (even thought he knew that he had to throw it away!) Mercy!

Shaw has been taking the TAKS - Math and Reading - he thinks he did pretty well... we'll see... (he did really well last year so I'm not too worried) he's also been getting ready for a piano competition and last but not least he's started little league up again. This year he will be pitching. It makes me so nervous. He does well but they always look so little up there on the mound - I can't stand it when the other team starts heckling! The other night they had a scrimmage and Shaw pitched pretty good so when we get home, he asks me where Sager and Daddy were (after Shaw finished with baseball he had group lessons for piano so Brandon had taken Sager fishing at the park) and I said fishing, so after a while I noticed that Shaw wasn't inside... I worried that he was upset over how he pitched or hit or something so I didn't say too much to him. Well when Brandon and Sager got home I told Brandon that Shaw was upset about something and I thought it was baseball so when Shaw came inside Brandon asked him why he was upset and Shaw starts crying (big ole' crocodile tears...) and says..... I.
... I.... wanted to go fishing too!!!! holy cow! I thought it was about baseball... oh well... so much for my maternal ESP!

I took Scout to get his learners permit to drive yesterday. Holy cow I practically had a melt down right there in the DPS office. I just am ill equipped for this parenting thing. When I think back when I was pregnant with Scout, I thought I was soo self assured - when I went into labor, I brought my Lamaze handbook so that I could review the breathing exercises prior to labor... I had told myself that all those other women who had complained about how awful labor was, were basically just sissies! I could do this - I mean after all women had been having babies in the fields, in the mountains, and in caves for centuries - nothing to it!!!! and then my water broke and basically it's been down hill with the ill-preparedness. As Scout and I were driving around yesterday, I just couldn't believe that the little baby that I brought home from the hospital is driving... 15 years it's been... 15.... I think about learning to drive with my granny and I just marvel at the difference in my life and in Scout's (and Shaw's and Sager's!) My granny was so patient and would say - you're going a little fast, you're going a little slow, don't take the curve (the one right before you get to the yellow house) too fast... (but we always did...)just calm and patient... so wonderful.... I wonder what she would think of ole' Scout, I'm sure he'd charm her, I know that she would love Shaw's sweet ways and Sager's ornery ways... I'm trying to be a calm, loving force in my children's lives... but that whole calm thing - not really working out for me...

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Elvis. One name, no other one needed. Everyone knows Elvis. Sager even knows Elvis. Elvis died 23 years before Sager was even born but yet he knows who he is by sight and by sound. My friend Stephanie of Artist Diva blog posted a video of Elvis singing "I Can Dream." I just LOVE this song. Heck - I just love Elvis. I can remember listening to his records at my Granny's house, my sister and I would play Elvis records, Tom T Hall and others. My Granny loved Elvis. Who doesn't? If you don't, please don't tell me - I'd hate to stop being your friend. No really.... I would have to. Sorry but that's just how it goes. I was 5 when Elvis died but had I been born earlier I would have totally been one of the girls standing at the stage waiting for Elvis to wipe his sweaty head and then look at you (the most important part - the connection... I'm swooning just thinking about it.... Mercy!) and then throw the scarf to you. Then the girl (me) would scream and start crying and hyperventilating and have to be escorted out.... doesn't that sound delightful to you? It does to me.... Why Elvis? I don't know. He was a fabulous singer but kind of weird. I've read all kinds of books about him and Priscilla (Cilla). (I even had a pig named Elvis - he had a weight problem and kind of swaggered when he walked.... I loved him, his pen at the Ag farm was dubbed the Heartbreak hotel.) However, I digress. Elvis was a total mamma's boy who wanted to sing Gospel music but practically sold his soul to the devil (Colonel Parker) to be famous. He only wanted to marry a virgin but ran around with women of low morals if you know what I mean. (not that I'm judging them... since I would fight to the death for a sweaty scarf....) Why is that? I think that once people found out about Elvis the man they could see their self in him. Sure he probably had some self esteem issues - did you see him in the jump suits when he was fat... of course he had issues. Anyone who used that many jewels is trying to cover something up. But he was human with all the human frailties. I mean who hasn't tried frying a peanut butter and banana sandwich in a pound of butter late at night when no one is looking? I confess I tried it. It was pretty good. Which was your favorite Elvis? younger or older - I myself like the young Elvis but I think my favorite is the comeback special when he's in the black leather - mercy... I'm swooning again. Tell me what you think - Elvis or Beatles - young or old - jumpsuit or no.... but remember don't admit to not liking him because that would be weirdest of all!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I'm TIRED!!!!!

No, really I am.... here are just a few things that I'm tired of:

I'm tired of not being able to sleep 12 hours and wake up when I want to!!!
I'm tired of being able to sleep 12 hours but can't because my internal clock goes off at 5:00 a.m.! (this is what officially makes me an adult - when you get up with out the alarm clock!)
I'm tired of having to wait up for Scout to come home from ____________.(fill in the blank - baseball, track, cross county, school trip, being out with friends)
I'm tired of Scout getting so old and not wanting to stay home with his momma and read books in the chair.
I'm tired of Scout's teenager ways.
I'm tired of Sager's teenager ways (and he's not even a teenager!)
I'm tired of Shaw's getting tired of Sager and Scout.
I'm tired of Shaw beginning to hint at growing up. (Where's that sweet little boy? The one in his place wears dumb ole under armour cuz it's cool and pees on the seat cuz he's too lazy to lift the lid and leaves his dirty clothes on the floor - just like some other kid in my house who will remain nameless - Scout!)
I'm tired of getting old.
I'm tired of getting plumpy. (that's what Sager calls it - plumpy, plumpish, squishy - nice.....)
I'm tired of not knowing all the answers to how to raise sweet boys who grow up to respect their mommas and I worry that they'll end up in jail or robbing banks!)
I"m tired of not being able to stop time so that my babies will stay babies forever.
I'm tired of knowing that I'm going to miss all the tiredness.

What are you tired of? Let me know.... but keep it short because I'm tired of reading!!! (not really!)